Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Book of Carl Chapter 3: Loaded Questions

Being a man is great. You can belch in public, scratch yourself anywhere and get away with other general such things. We have feelings, if you cut us we bleed. One thing men typically don't do though is pose loaded questions. We all know the loaded questions. For those not following very well 2 examples would be:

"Does this make me look fat?"
"Do you think she is pretty?"

What's vital in these situations is that you understand what it is she is asking. To a guy she is asking: "Do you think she is pretty?" What she is really asking: "Do you think she is prettier than ME?" In these situations NEVER EVER ANSWER WITH A YES OR NO.

In these situations one of the important things to do is remain honest. The biggest reason is that if she finds out you lied there are 2 things the will be mad about a)you lied b) why did you lie? You must think I'm fat. You didn't think I was emotionally ready to hear information like that. I trusted you. Now, I don't know how I can wear anything sexy ever again. My complete body image is ruined. I'm going to go eat a tub of ice cream and watch Oprah because she loves me.. Well, you get the picture.

The short advise is that if you are going to get in trouble, you might as well get in trouble for being honest. That way when they get mad, you can fall back and say "I was just trying to be as honest and straightforward with you as possible. I thought you would respect that."

So back to our example questions:
1) Do you think she is pretty? (really: Do you think she is prettier than me?) - Don't answer yes or no. Be honest. If the girl is attractive say she is "nice" (woman think the word nice means ugly) or say that yes, she's pretty but she's not nearly as pretty as [insert name of your significant other]

2) Does this make me look fat? (really: Am I fat?) - Again, be honest. If it makes her look fat tell her "You aern't fat, but that outfit isn't very flattering" (or something along those lines) . If it doesn't make her look fat tell her that she looks great (do NOT say she looks nice).

Lastly, we have the reverse loaded question. The reverse loaded question is where she tricks you into asking something you shouldn't have asked. Typically this involves feelings.

One thing you should never do is ask a woman how she feels about something. If she hasn't already told you, it means she is doing you a favor and not telling you. There are many reasons why this might be. You may not like the feelings she has, or if you don't react the appropriate way you'll get in trouble. Either way you are in worse position than where you were before. Do not fall into this trap. Happily play videogames or watch football until she brings up feelings. There is no reason for you to spend more time in trouble than you have to.


  1. Anonymous5:32 PM

    Always glad to hear some wisdom from one who's been married longer than me. Thanks!

  2. I always love your Book of Carl posts and this one made me laugh, love it!

  3. Anonymous10:38 AM

    you rock carl!!! and although i currently have little use since i'm neither a man nor involved, it is SO TRUE the things you divulge about relationships. go you. love, me k-ie