Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Book of Carl Chapter 3: Loaded Questions

Being a man is great. You can belch in public, scratch yourself anywhere and get away with other general such things. We have feelings, if you cut us we bleed. One thing men typically don't do though is pose loaded questions. We all know the loaded questions. For those not following very well 2 examples would be:

"Does this make me look fat?"
"Do you think she is pretty?"

What's vital in these situations is that you understand what it is she is asking. To a guy she is asking: "Do you think she is pretty?" What she is really asking: "Do you think she is prettier than ME?" In these situations NEVER EVER ANSWER WITH A YES OR NO.

In these situations one of the important things to do is remain honest. The biggest reason is that if she finds out you lied there are 2 things the will be mad about a)you lied b) why did you lie? You must think I'm fat. You didn't think I was emotionally ready to hear information like that. I trusted you. Now, I don't know how I can wear anything sexy ever again. My complete body image is ruined. I'm going to go eat a tub of ice cream and watch Oprah because she loves me.. Well, you get the picture.

The short advise is that if you are going to get in trouble, you might as well get in trouble for being honest. That way when they get mad, you can fall back and say "I was just trying to be as honest and straightforward with you as possible. I thought you would respect that."

So back to our example questions:
1) Do you think she is pretty? (really: Do you think she is prettier than me?) - Don't answer yes or no. Be honest. If the girl is attractive say she is "nice" (woman think the word nice means ugly) or say that yes, she's pretty but she's not nearly as pretty as [insert name of your significant other]

2) Does this make me look fat? (really: Am I fat?) - Again, be honest. If it makes her look fat tell her "You aern't fat, but that outfit isn't very flattering" (or something along those lines) . If it doesn't make her look fat tell her that she looks great (do NOT say she looks nice).

Lastly, we have the reverse loaded question. The reverse loaded question is where she tricks you into asking something you shouldn't have asked. Typically this involves feelings.

One thing you should never do is ask a woman how she feels about something. If she hasn't already told you, it means she is doing you a favor and not telling you. There are many reasons why this might be. You may not like the feelings she has, or if you don't react the appropriate way you'll get in trouble. Either way you are in worse position than where you were before. Do not fall into this trap. Happily play videogames or watch football until she brings up feelings. There is no reason for you to spend more time in trouble than you have to.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

What better way to say "I Love You" than with the gift of Al

Today while I slaved away at work, my wonderful wife went to the store and got me the new Weird Al album. There is something special about walking out to your car and finding a surprise (a good one, not a bad one like your tire is flat).

On the way home I cranked up the stereo and blared "White and Nerdy". I pull up to a stop light and "Polkarama" is playing. I look to my left and there is a lady in her SUV and her kids in the back seat. She looks at me and then rolls up her windows. Don't worry lady, your kids will be buying these albums soon enough..

Saturday, September 16, 2006

A crazy dream

I hardly ever remember dreams, however I'm glad I remembered this one.

I was playing basketball. A person would inbound the pass to me, I'd take a dribble or two and pass to Sammie who would be open underneath the basket. We were playing make it take it, so we ran that play like 5 times in a row.

We were playing against Asian children.

I couldn't make stuff like that up.

2 more weeks until my lovely wife's birthday celebration!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Interesting tidbits

Our church is doing a series on "Blunt Questions" this fall. I hope to get a lot out of it. If you would like to hear the sermons you can go to

I was watching Jeopardy tonight and they had a topic of TV Theme Songs. I got them all right before any of the contestents. I don't know if that's something I should brag about.

My wife is so awesome. She handles tasks much better than myself. Today she worked a full day, made me dinner, is working on a project for her master's degree. She's typically doing tutoring as well. All she gets from me is this lousy blogpost. :-)

I updated the name of the blog. I started singing the Charles in Charge theme song on my way to work this morning but changed the words.

I think I've shared to much information.

Monday, September 11, 2006

One thing I just learned today that probably everyone else already knows

Last night's pizza as breakfast tastes pretty good.

Last Friday's pizza as lunch on Monday does not.

I don't know if thin n' crispy crust makes a difference, but I think it's something I won't experiment with again.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

That's not appropriate

I drove past a antique/craft/wine festival on the way to the grocery store this morning. A traffic cop was directing traffic for pediatrians to cross the street.

A man crosses the street. He's wearing a brown sweater and white capri pants.

That's not appropriate.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Pink is not the new Hank

Thoughts regarding the NBC telecast of last night's game:

Does it seem like NBC is trying to be ABC in the football dept? They get the same announcers, have a person with a "theme song", they even do the full bar for game information rather than the box (although it's at the bottom rather than the top which makes it completely different)

I'm not to cised for the Pink song. Maybe it will grow on fungas.

I watched a little bit of the Miami - FSU game on ESPN Monday night. On ESPN2 they had the game on as well but it was 7 different angles at once. I hope they decide to use this format for MNF. It's confusing at first, but with the big screen I think it would be awesome.. Even better would be to have it on ABC rather than ESPN2 (since Disney ownes both). That way it would be in HD..that extra space on the side would be great.

Does Madden Just For Men(tm) his eyebrows?

Thursday, September 07, 2006

You know it's the first day of football season when:

7) You send out an evite for your wife's birthday.

6) You think about kicker logistics for your fantasy football team.

5) It's warm outside but the air is "Crisp"

4) You want to tackle office workers Terry Tate style

3) You wear the jersey of a guy who has had more facial surgery than Joan Rivers..and you like it.

2) In the car, on the way to work, you are yelling a snap count (sometimes you include audibles)

1) You spend your day thinking of Hank Williams Jr. and that theme song.

Guilty as charged.

How do you know it's the first day of football season?

Monday, September 04, 2006

All sorts of topics

It's been a long time since the last post. I've had things I wanted to share but haven't really had the time. I'd like to remind people about the link roll to the right. It's mostly stupid stuff, but there is some really good stuff there too (like the katrina video thing). If you are using the RSS feed to read this post, you can RSS the link roll as well.

First, last weekend Shayna and I went to Wilkes Barre , PA to visit my brother in law for his birthday. Matt, happy birthday! It was a lot of fun going up there and spending time with him. He's wicked good at the putt putt course up there..or shayna and I just let him win. ;-)

Second, my wife is awesome. Thanks for asking! This past weekend I've started coming down with a head cold. She has taken the role of Nurse Shayna which really means a lot. I'm not at the whiny sick stage yet, but if I were she would gladly put up with it.

Last weekend Shayna, Matt, and I also saw Invincible. The story of Vince Papale making the leap from bartender to Philadelphia Eagle. On the Carl scale it gets a 5 out of 5 which for those of you who know me is very rare. One scene is looks like a live action version of NFL Street. Guy are tackling guys on cars, clothelines, and generally giving shots that make you say "Ow". The ladys can enjoy Marky Wahlberg with his uberbuff body and the guys will enjoy the football.

A couple weekends before that Shayna and I saw World Trade Center. That movie made me cry like a little girl who skinned her knee. Best scene in the movie (I guess this would be considered a spoiler) is from a marine who locates some people caught in the rubble. The person in the rubble said please don't leave. The marine says "We are the United States Marines. We will not leave. You are our mission." For about 5 min I wanted to be a marine. Then I remembered I didn't.

Blogger has a beta mode. I'm really interested in moving to the beta, but one of the restrictions is that a non beta person can't comment on a beta person's blog. While I love trying new technology I can't ask all my friends to upgrade as well. As soon as they release that restriction I'll be switching. One of the neat features is RSS feeds will include comments...

I'm currently reading a book called A Jewish Understanding of the New Testament. I started reading it because of a small group in which we went over what being a Rabbi meant and what that meant to being a "fisher of men". It's been really interesting to read about how the Pharisees, Sadducies, and Sanhedrian were formed. I think learning this stuff will really help me to understand Biblical things more. I encourage other Christians to take the time to research this stuff as well. You'll find a greater understanding for the stuff Jesus said.

That's it for now, but I may post again later today if I remember something I forgot.