Thursday, June 29, 2006

Book of Carl Chapter 2: Apologies

If the gift giving didn't go well in chapter 1, you could be forced into an apology.

The book of Carl has plenty to say on apologies. After all, the author spends a lot of his time doing damage control for the stupid stuff he does.

Apologies are very different for men and women. A typically man apology will go something like this:

Scene: Pickup Basketball game
Guy 1 gives guy 2 a hard foul and nearly breaks the guys ankle
Guy 1: Sorry about that, you ok? (offers hand to help Guy 2 off the ground)
Guy 2: whatever
guy 1 pats guy 2 on the butt. Play resumes. All is forgotten.

For guys, an apology begins with I'm sorry. It's usually over right around that point.

For women, this is not the case. Things need to be processed. A woman can forgive you but still be mad at you. You will need to validate (ie: agree with) her feelings. So for guys, an apology begins with I'm sorry. When apologizing to a girl, it typically begins at: I was an idiot. From this point you can say that your sorry and to please ask for forgiveness.

Do not underestimate the power of asking for forgiveness. The logic of this can be summed as follows:

A) If they say no, you are the good person just trying to make things right. They are the ones harboring negative feelings and resentment.
B) People harboring feelings of resentment are going to hell. It's in the Bible. I promise.
C) Be sure to point out Point B if Point A is true.

The only other Book of Carl Approved Method of Apologizing to Women TM is thus:

1) Look deeply into her eyes.
2) Take her into your arms.
3) Hold her tight and whisper these words into her ear: "You can't be mad at a guy giving you a hug can you?"
4) Hang on for dear life.

It's either that or pat her on the butt and say "Sorry about that. You ok?"

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

For the Love of God people, stop washing your cars!

It's a well known fact that when you wash your car it rains. It's been raining hard core for the past 4 days in DC.

So I'll say it again. STOP WASHING YOUR SUVS!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Driving to PA

This weekend we went to a wedding in PA (shoutout to Leslie & Eric!). On the way there I saw 2 things that you do not typically see on the road. Especially on 495.

The first being a Lamboghini Murcielago.

I've always loved the Lamborghini "jack knife" style doors. I think it would be great if more cars went that way. We would no longer have to worry about banging a car door into the car next to ours.

This is actually the same color of car I saw on the road. Shayna asked why exactly, do sports cars come in such garish colors. I think the first part of the answer is because they are European. The second part is that if you are going to spend $300,000+ on a car, you want people to be able to see if from space.

The kicker is that this car was actually on a tow truck. Hope the owner got the extended warranty..

I've seen Lamborghini's and Ferrari's on the road before. However, the next thing I saw on 495 (on the same strip of 495 I might add) was:

The Lotus Exige (actual color to the left). I had heard of Lotus and played a racing game based on them, but I didn't know much about them. I had thought they were the Asian equivalent of a Lamborghini. Turns out they are the British equivalent of a Corvette.

I have to say though that the red coats got it right. It just plain looked cool. (Again, Europeans with the garish colors..but if I were to have a car like this I would choose orange as well)

I'm not normally a car guy. But I appreciate fine craftsmanship. I appreciate it more when these superfast cars are going 10 mph with me on 495.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Hello, my name is Carl, and I hate birds

Hate is a strong word. I try not to use it. In this case though I feel it might not be strong enough. I really can't stand them.

Remember in that episode of Seinfeld where the pigeons wouldn't move away from George? He would step on them or run them over, but no matter what they wouldn't move away from him. I have that same sort of thing. Only they tend to attack me. If there is a goose whose path I have to cross, there is no doubt that f-in goose is going to try and attack me.

You want further proof that the feelings between birds and myself is mutual? Last week while driving home, I had my elbow out the car window. I was on a strip of road that is covered by trees sitting at a stop light. A bird nails my shoulder with droppings. The only way the bird could have hit me any more would have been to come in at a low angle and then pull up at the last minute and nail me through the window (just like Luke Skywalker did to the Death Star).

Stinkin birds... I have the last laugh though. Tonight is BBQ chicken night.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Calling all geeks!

If any of you know anything about setting up a VPN with a Cisco PIX 501 (or any PIX for that matter) I could greatly use your help.

Let a brotha know.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

A Whole New World

So this morning I had my very first yogurt. Silk (fresh from the butts of caterpillers) has a soy version of yogurt. I tried banana and strawberry.

I didn't like it. Maybe psychologically I know that I don't like dairy type products (although cheetos do taste good). Maybe it's one of those things that grownups talk about and you just have to get acquired to the taste. They say the same thing about alcohol though, and I still haven't acquired that taste (or coffee for that matter)

We are going to be trying some new recipies with rice milk though. This could be a whole new world for me. Things like lasagna, which I've never had before, could become a new favorite with soy cheese. Sometime this week we are going to be doing a cajun shrimp pasta. I'm looking forward to it.

Monday, June 05, 2006

A funny story

At work today a coworker was IMing me some questions. I IM'd her back telling her it was a complicated answer and that she should call me to talk about it.

The phone rings. I hit speakerphone and the following conversation takes place:

me: Bare Associates this is Carl.
phone: Hey
me: Hey
phone: How was your day?
me (puzzled): good, how was your day?

I'm puzzled at this point because we had been talking back and forth the entire day. Seemed kind of late to start small talk.

phone: This is your wife
me: oh hi dear!

Maybe it's just funny to me.

It would really suck if a shark fell on us right now

Woman logic, in a word is: complex. In fact, there really is nothing quite like it. You can be just sitting in your car, driving along, looking at the splendor that is God's world outside, and then this phrase is spoken: It would really suck if snakes were to come out of the vents right now.

How do you argue with logic like that? I mean, wouldn't it suck if snakes actually did come through the vents?

She actually tried explaining her chain of thought and how she came to that conclusion. It was way over my head. It was like explaining calculus to a turnip.

The shark comment is actually from last night; right before going to sleep for the night. Again, how do you argue with the logic of how much it would suck if right before going to sleep, someone were to drop a shark on you. I think "really suck" is probably the right level of suck.

Thanks for making me laugh dear!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

The "Miz" is gone

I found out yesterday that Steve "Miz" Mizerak passed away. Mizerak was a billiards player. At one time he was the premier 8 ball player. I met him a couple times, a real nice fellow.

The reason why this is significant, is because my dad and I bonded through Mizerak. While living in Florida we got a pool table and we learned how to shoot off Mizerak's books & a video. Even though dad almost always won, we still had fun playing.

I'm sure I'm not the only one with stories like this. I think sometimes we don't realize the impact we have on people. We are all role models to someone, even if it's a person we don't know.

Just makes being a Christian harder.