Thursday, June 29, 2006

Book of Carl Chapter 2: Apologies

If the gift giving didn't go well in chapter 1, you could be forced into an apology.

The book of Carl has plenty to say on apologies. After all, the author spends a lot of his time doing damage control for the stupid stuff he does.

Apologies are very different for men and women. A typically man apology will go something like this:

Scene: Pickup Basketball game
Guy 1 gives guy 2 a hard foul and nearly breaks the guys ankle
Guy 1: Sorry about that, you ok? (offers hand to help Guy 2 off the ground)
Guy 2: whatever
guy 1 pats guy 2 on the butt. Play resumes. All is forgotten.

For guys, an apology begins with I'm sorry. It's usually over right around that point.

For women, this is not the case. Things need to be processed. A woman can forgive you but still be mad at you. You will need to validate (ie: agree with) her feelings. So for guys, an apology begins with I'm sorry. When apologizing to a girl, it typically begins at: I was an idiot. From this point you can say that your sorry and to please ask for forgiveness.

Do not underestimate the power of asking for forgiveness. The logic of this can be summed as follows:

A) If they say no, you are the good person just trying to make things right. They are the ones harboring negative feelings and resentment.
B) People harboring feelings of resentment are going to hell. It's in the Bible. I promise.
C) Be sure to point out Point B if Point A is true.

The only other Book of Carl Approved Method of Apologizing to Women TM is thus:

1) Look deeply into her eyes.
2) Take her into your arms.
3) Hold her tight and whisper these words into her ear: "You can't be mad at a guy giving you a hug can you?"
4) Hang on for dear life.

It's either that or pat her on the butt and say "Sorry about that. You ok?"


  1. I like the last suggestion (no, not the butt patting one), but looking deep into her eyes...very sweet and very manipulative, I like it! lol. I love the Book of Carl Chapters, you're a wise man.

  2. this is funny, because as a girl, sometimes i find myself apologizing for something and then much later still feeling bad about it and apologizing again, even though ususally ryan's forgotten about it.